When the IRS made the decision to conduct an audit on an elderly man, they summoned him to their offices. When he turned up accompanied by his lawyer, the auditor was not surprised.
He made the observation “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says the elderly man. “How about a demonstration?”
Pausing for a second, the auditor says “Okay. Go ahead.”
The old man says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
Pausing again, the auditor says, “It’s a bet.”
The old man takes out his glass eye and bites it, causing the jaw of the auditor to drop.
The old man says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor knows that the old man is not fully blind, so he decides to go ahead and take this bet also. The old man proceeds to take out his dentures and use them to bite his real eye.
The auditor is now in shock, having just lost three thousand dollars to the old man, with the lawyer there as a witness. Nerves start creeping in.
“Want to go double or nothing?” the old man asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
Having already lost twice, the auditor is very cautious, but after weighing up the situation, he concludes that there is no way that the old man could complete this feat, so he agrees to the bet.
The old man positions himself beside the desk and unzips his trousers. Try as he may, he cannot manage to reach the basket and ends up peeing all on the auditor’s desk.
Delighted with himself, the auditor has now turned what would have been a huge loss, into a great victory. However, the lawyer in the room groans and looks terrible.
The author asks if he is okay.
“Not really,” the lawyer says. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”